| i'd stop to ask you why but i believe its grown cliche. |
[28 Feb 2002|10:23pm] |
oh my god..
okay.. so friday is like v-show.. and i really wanted to go.. but everyone already has plans.. so its like im not going.. and thats just really ruined this week for me.. im not sure why.. i miss last year.. i dont like not having someone that i can visit every single weekend, and that i can count on always. i feel like i dont have friends anymore. i know its dumb but it just frustrates me sooooo much..
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[05 Feb 2002|08:47pm] |
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3eb |
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wow.
hey DJ
i don't talk to you enough.
i dont know if anyone reads you anymore. its a shame, your layout is so pretty pretty.
mikey's got me listening to 3eb. i definitely had a total breakdown a few days ago. it was horrible, i just read my yearbook over and over and wished i could make everything the same as it used to be. it makes me upset that i can't do that. i dont deal with lack of control well. and i am beginning to like fate and destiny a little less each and every day. yearbooks. source of constant unhappiness. except for *barsh*.
on a lighter note, i will be attending the ludacris concert with becca and erin. how come some people's parents are so anal about it. i mean i was surprised that my mom even wanted to call becca's mother. i dont see why its such a big deal. i mean missing school-- its just peramathon.. and i dont see missing school as that big of a deal- everything can be made up. but i guess thats just how it is. im glad i get to go though, because i think it will be a lot of fun, and i haven't really gotten to do anything with becca recently, and erin's just always fun to be around and hey we should be better friends. i like the idea that im basically going for free too- because im paying for it out of my bank account- which is money that im not allowed to use ever- so i don't even think of it as being there. i like that i get to use it. i'm taking money out for epcot too. but i don't plan to spend a lot at epcot- i plan to use the money on inextremis and things of that nature. my mother will be home soon- she'll call becca's mom and give me the final verdict. but i don't think she'll say no. infact im almost certain that she won't.
how come no one ever calls me? i feel neglected. i used to get a lot of phone calls just for no reason at all. am i that boring on the phone? what is up with that..
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| ::i can only take so much, these tears are turning me to rust..:: |
[22 Jan 2002|07:31pm] |
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music |
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a lot lot lot good timez |
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rawr.?
i concocted something for my hair that should *moisturize, clarify, repair hair dryer damage, and straighten* wow. impressive. i was test that later. i ahve a brilliant idea for someones hair, but i need a test subject. i elect jessica, because she has long straight hair. it would work well with my plan. =D
i hate v-day with the fire of 1,000 suns. i have never had a good v-day. bad things always happen. that better not happen again this year. (boys, this is me commanding you to be nice.) uckkkk, v-day sux sux suxxxx.
//if it's coming you//
//like its coming over me//
//crashing like a tidal wave//
//that drags me out to sea//
//and i wanna be with you//
//if you wanna be with me//
//crashing like a tidal wave//
//and i dont wanna be//
//stranded//
wow did you appreciate my musical interlude? im sure it wont be the last.infact i am feeling one riiiight... NOW
if only i the guts to feel this way, and if only you'd look at me and want to stay, and if only i'd take you in my arms and say i won't go, cause i need you =) [thats for mikey haha]
epcot trip!! excitement!! me cassie jessi and becca yayayya ahhaha i want to go on spaceship earth and stand up in the middle of it. hahahah goooooood times. i luv foreign language.
you found hope*
you found faith*
found how fast she could take it away*
found true love*
lost your heart*
*now you dont know who you are.
she made it easy*
made it free*
made you hurt til you couldn't see***
ok i am done i promise its just i am hearing all these songs from movies i love... ayayayya! i watched 10 things i hate about you like 20 times over the weekend i loooveee that movie, heath ledger *gawk*
wowie so i am going to go.. do my homework? we'll see about that. tomorrow i think i will be dissecting a squiddy. his name is senor peepers.
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[16 Jan 2002|02:20pm] |
hmmm.. i am bored.
i spent the past hour playing dress up so i look HOT
maybe my mom will come home and we can go to publix and the hot publix boy will offer to help me out to the car. we can dream.
haha jessi just told me that ::
Frsky MerMaid: jamie told diego that cassie told becca that it was her that sprayed diegos locker
haha apparently cassie got a *refurl* haha poor cassie but ya my point is how gay is that? i mean i would understand diego getting mad but my god it was just a little prank and he could get over it and not have to take it to the office like a 5th grader. and why did jamie even tell him in the first place?? well obviously just to get revenge on cassie because shes mad. but seriously that is pretty immature. and its not like it was just cassie's fault. so yes. the moral is thats really immature. and you know she wouldn't have done it if her and cassie weren't fighting.
i think my mommy is home. joy.
jessi whats goin down friday? i need to know by tomorrow so askies your mommy.
is anyone going to the school dance?
what is everyone doing friday..?
cassie- what r u doing this weekend?
i think that is all. taaataaaaaa
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[15 Jan 2002|08:54pm] |
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i am very anti-existence right now. i dont want to be here. i want to crawl into a hole a not come out until july 25 2012 11:24 AM. at least from the bottom of a hole i'd have a lot of time to watch the stars. my periforal vision would be limited. maybe i'd bring a telescope. maybe i will steal jessi's.
i've come upon some kind of overwhelming sense of longing. i want it to be 8th grade again. i miss having a best friend. i miss having my best friend.
not only do i miss that sense of comfort, but i miss the incredible trust compassion & faith i had in both of us. i dont like the idea of not having that anymore, or again for that matter. i dont like the idea of losing that in the first place. i dont like the idea that it was my fault. i miss the familiarity. everything is so distant all of a sudden.
xxx
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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[15 Jan 2002|07:30pm] |
ugh.
i swear, every time i think things might be sun-shiny again i find MORE SHIT that just keeps pushing me down again. i cannot win.
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[15 Jan 2002|06:50pm] |
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Today was a very introverted day.
I had many opportunities to reflect.
Dispite this, i did not allot time for this self-imposed reflection. I don't want to reflect. I'm to afraid of what I will discover about myself.
I often think of myself as smart in the sense that I could see right through everyone, and i knew what everyone was all about. I'm not so sure of that anymore. I'm not so sure of anything anymore. And I don't have anything to fall back on. And all i can think about is what I have that I can be proud of anymore. I've lost self-satisfaction.
Some things are so easy to let go of, but so hard to re-obtain.
isn't fair.
xxx
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[15 Jan 2002|03:29pm] |
I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom Doom! Doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom! Doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom! The end! Oh wha's that?
Take the Invader Zim quiz!
yawwwnnn.
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[14 Jan 2002|04:53pm] |
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hmm. i just read jamie's journal. and its a lot of conversations she had with other people about how shes not a bad person. like she needs other people to validate her actions. which is annoying to me for several reasons. first and foremost, once again shes talking about me to other people. thats exactly what the entire arguement was about. secondly, shes dragging in other people who don't have any place within the arguement. she said that everyone wasnt against me. but all she keeps on doing is turning around and telling them her side of the story. so thats exactly what is happening. and i wish she would just drop it because i dont need this at all, and i don't want to deal with it, and i wish it were that easy just to not care. but for me it isn't. and its hard for me to accept. and it just doesn't seem fair.
although all that occured, i actually had a decent day. marine biology was fun because i got to *pick through clam mush*. also becca started doing adam's soad impression in silence and it was really funny. chemistry was boring as always. spanish was average, me and jessi and holly had fun as usual. we told julio he was right. tricky bastard. lunch was okay, i dont really remember it. smith was... special. i wish i sat where jake sits in that class, because then i would be next to jessi and mary. they r funny. then geometry was as it usually is, except with no cassieness. so instead becca sat behind me and made fun of wisler like she always does. what an amusing kid. then art was gay and i just sanded my rock and we talked as we always do. and then jessi walked me to the parking lot and i went home. and here i am. i really feel crappy. if you want to know the disgusting details, my throat is all swollen and my tonsils are emitting white chunky puss like shit. its pretty disgusting. i want to go to sleep and not wake up.
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[13 Jan 2002|10:11pm] |
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um..
BoDyRoCk720: because i dont want to be this awful person anymore that i feel like whenever i hug you or whenever i feel this animosity towards you and i don't even know why i feel it and its so awful to not know why you dislike someone
orangecrush742: so basically you're saying that for the duration of your friendship you've never really like me
orangecrush742: our*******
BoDyRoCk720: yes. and i feel awful about it. because i want to like you and i tried so hard for almost a year but i could never bring myself to really do it.
BoDyRoCk720: and i'm so sorry jolie i really am
orangecrush742: ok
BoDyRoCk720: i still want to talk though
BoDyRoCk720: because i think you are a good person
BoDyRoCk720: i dont know why i don't like you though
BoDyRoCk720: seriously i tried so hard
orangecrush742: i dont know why you didnt tell me.
orangecrush742: i dont need you to try and be my friend
orangecrush742: and i dont want you to try and be my friend
BoDyRoCk720: i want to talk to you still though
orangecrush742: i dont want anyone to feel lik ethey are pressured to be friends with me
BoDyRoCk720: thats how i felt
yeah. so apparently all the time that we have been friends shes never really liked me at all... which to me is strange.. because i can't help but think back to all the times where we got along fine like g-wiz and going to the beach and new years.. and it hurts a lot to think that it was entirely an act. i dont think i've felt this betrayed since the 6th grade. and now nothing is making sense and its making me wonder who else isn't really my friend. and who else "lies to my face every day". if anyone else needs to confess, now would be a good time, while its all gettin out in the open. im going to have to pay a lot of money for my therapist in the future. im going to develop a paranoia/inferiority complex. my fingers are numb. and i just want to cry.
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[13 Jan 2002|09:29pm] |
Jolie
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your name of Jolie gives you the desire to understand and to help others but, at the same time you can become too involved in their problems and, as a result, worry too much. You desire a home and family of your own and have the ability to create understanding and harmony in family association as you are pliable, forgiving, and tactful. You love children and would not hesitate to care for any children who might need you. Whenever possible, you avoid argument and turmoil because you prefer not to face an issue if it means hurting anyone's feelings. You shrink from sordidness and poverty because you feel very deeply for anyone in unfortunate circumstances. Though you recognize your responsibilities, you are inclined to put things off until you are forced to take action. If given the opportunity, you could develop musical and artistic abilities. This name is a fairly healthy influence, although it does not give you as much vitality as many people have. Any tension centres in the fluid functions causing overweight, varicose veins, swelling of the legs and ankles, kidney trouble, bladder trouble, or female problems.
well i already have fat ankles hahahha
now im just going to be obese.
i cant wait for that to kick in.
other than that i think it was accurate. i dont know how much i trust the the *letters in my name* determine my personality though
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[13 Jan 2002|09:04pm] |
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[spell your name backwards]: eiloj
[describe yourself in 3 words]: bored, annoying, sleepy
[what is the latest you've ever stayed up?]: 7 am
[ever been to belgium?]: 2 times every thursday
[wallet]: no just my star purse it has the same function
[jewelry worn daily]: nothing thats absolutely daily
[pillow cover]: bluu with glow n the dark stars
[blanket]: WAAAARRRRM
[sunglasses]: have barbie on them, i wear while i drive. =0
[underwear]: how ruuuuude
[favourite top]: no favorites
[favourite pants]: my jeaaannnss that i wore from friday-sunday ahhaha SICK
[cd in stereo right now]: i just made one with a lot of cheer music on it hahaha
[current music]: TV
[wearing]: plaid PJ pants and bay haven superstar shirt
[hair]: blonde and wet and cold. [and gross]
[makeup]: eyeliner from yesterday =)
[in my mouth]: teeth
[in my head]: brains
[hearing]: TV
[wishing]: i didnt have school tomorrow
[after this]: adaaamm
[talking to]: myself. dillon.
[eating]: digestive fluids.
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| i'm gonna get to the bottom of this |
[13 Jan 2002|06:16pm] |
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rawr i am angry at everyone right now. everyone.
i am so tired right now. i have done a lot of sleeping i get the feeling i wont get more than 30 minutes of loveline before i pass out.
i put my alien on my necklace today. i was so proud of that. i am wearing my 'winning pair' shirt. i am also proud of that. i am desperately downloading music to compile some kind of CD.
i dont want to go to school tomorrow. i am ready for another winter break. i am going to be miserable tomorrow. i know this is certain. and completely unavoidable. its not my fault, so why do i feel like i deserve it..? stupid.
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| good friends good times |
[13 Jan 2002|12:49pm] |
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real world |
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ok lets start out on friday eh? um the plan was for me to go home con cassie and go malling and spend the nite. so i went and dropped drivers ed and it was the happiest moment of my life and then at 3 we took el scatillaco and we went 2 cassies and me and jess and cassie got ready and went to the mall. there we saw dillon and ya know i already told that story. so ya. then i spent ze nite at cassie's and we stayed up and watched real world and talked about EVERYTHING including the space capsule. hahhaha good friends good times. then we woke up the next day and cassie's mom is all 'you wanna go to the flea market' and i am like "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!" so we took a trip to Ft. Myers/Cape Coral to the flea masters world blah blah and we got sexy toe rings and t-shirts that have our pictures of them and they say 'winning pair' there is a funny story about that. and then we went home and found out we could not go to dani's :( so we went to jessi's instead and cassies mom was pissed because she had to go to cafe BLAHAHHAHHCI instead of mexican food hhaha so shes like 'im gonna get so shitfaced' ok so we get burger king and go to jessi's and she argues with her parents and then we decide we are goign to sleep in this new big wooden shed. so we get the strobe the black light disco ball and rope lights and chairs and pillows and pimped the shed out and it ROCKED we had music and everything so we danced and had a club and got all hot and bothered and then went inside and jessi wanted to call evan at work so we called and marlin picked up and he said evan wasnt there. so we kept calling back and getting either marlin or tristan [shiznit] and jessi was like 'i need a part for my daughter's vibrator.. for the red doll.. whats it called.. oh yeah, elmo" and hhahahah it was so funny thye're like "1-800-toysrus doesnt sell parts" and haahhaha yea then i called marlin and asked about maximum pain then starte laughing and i was like im done and i didnt hang up the fone and then jess caled evans house or soemthin i dont know i was half asleep then we went back out and jessi started hearing things outside the shed and she insisted it was like woverines but it was a hobo from the train tracks it was treeesss scary we were like fresaking ourselves out hahaha. ummmmmmm then it was damp and wet and raining SO LOUD and then we kinda woke up at like 9 and just laid around half sleeping and finally got up cleaned up the shed and me and cassie went back 2 cassie's where i am now and cassie's mom has a huuuge hangover and i am going home soon. i never got sick of cassie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yaaaaaaaay um thats all i can think of now.
//it tastes like green//
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[12 Jan 2002|05:10pm] |
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dont turn off the lights grrl / no scrubs DMS |
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hahahAH
geminis twin's SMASH HIT SINGLE "no DM's] ::sung to no scrubs::
noooooo
a DM is a guy who thinks hes caliente
also known as disgusting
always thinkin bout innocent girls and just keeps pickin vegetables soo
no i don't want your number
no i doubt you even have a phone
No i dont wanna see u nowhere
no i dont want none of your grime
and no i dont want no DM's
a dm is a guy that can't get no luv from me
hanging in the pick up truck with the lawn service junk
tryin to holla at me
i dont want no DM's
a dm is a guy that can't get no luv from me
hanging in the pick up truck with the lawn service junk
tryin to holla at me
A DM's dancin up on me smellin like cat pee and i know that he's gonna approch me
cuz he has bad gas and he's checkin my ass can't get with a constructor
sooo no i don't want your number
no i doubt you even have a phone
No i dont wanna see u nowhere
no i dont want none of your grime
no i dont want no DM's
a dm is a guy that can't get no luv from me
hanging in the pick up truck with the lawn service junk
tryin to holla at me
i dont want no DM's
a dm is a guy that can't get no luv from me
hanging in the pick up truck with the lawn service junk
tryin to holla at me
If you drive a cadi and its covered in rust oh yes senor, i'm talkin to you
if you have a llama but you dont feed it, oh yes senor, i'm talkin to you
if you're having cock fights and you always win oh yes senor im talking to you
wanna get with me but you have no teeth
oh no
i dont want nooooooooo
nooo DMs
nooooooo D M s
no no
nooooo DMs
NOOooOooOo no no NOOO Dm's
NO NO
no i dont want no DM's
a dm is a guy that can't get no luv from me
hanging in the pick up truck with the lawn service junk
tryin to holla at me
no i dont want no DM's
a dm is a guy that can't get no luv from me
hanging in the pick up truck with the lawn service junk
tryin to holla at me
[fade out; continue chorus]
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| huzzah huzzah |
[12 Jan 2002|10:33am] |
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cassie's sinkerator eatin food |
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umm lets see.. last nite i wnt to the mall con cassie y jessi after skool and we had SO MUCH FUN aside from several *minor* drawbacks. ya we saw like diego or someone and cassie went to talk 2 him so me and jess ran away into after thoughts cuz we didn't want to talk to them, so we put on the awesome disguises and i looked like *dolly parton* apparently. i had the best weave. um ya then cassie was complaining about us ditchin her around jamie, and so jamie started talkin smack about how cassie shouldn't put up with us and stuff and if cassie didnt hang out with us it wouldn't have happened... how about ya if we were more //included// with the whole big group maybe it wouldnt happen. ya anyways a big thanks to jamie 4 that 1. then there was arguing and nastiness and angry vibes and that was dummmm and gay. and theennnnnnn we were sitting around talkin [me and cassie] and we noticed there we 2 men [one was cute, but oh-so gay] and they were drawing us. so we were like posing and being all obvious and it was tres hilarious. then we saw steve and fernando and dillon and chris [happy bday] and lucas hahaha and we followed them around and dillon is my boyfriend hehehe. lotsa fun fun fun. cassie thinks dillon is her boyfriend. she is delusional. hahahaha ummmmmmm we are going to the flea market today!!!!!!!!! i hope to find cheap trash to buy. i will be going now. good day to you deadjournal.
xxx
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| oh man oh man |
[10 Jan 2002|04:28pm] |
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saves the day - ups and downs |
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my stupid mom is leave for le orlando come tomorrow. how uncool of her, eh? she anticipates being home late saturday/early sunday. so i might be living at cassies house hehe.
i am drinking *celestial seasonings berry zinger* with a lot of sugar and i swear its the best thing ever. i will be bringing this to school tomorrow.
tonight dance was //actually// fun, we started on the recital dance for ballet which will be -spanish- and we will have fans and little salsa dresses and prance around like the madrid high class women. its so funny.
i think thats all for tonight? i really want to see orange county. it comes out tomorrow. come with me. =)
defythestars13: y0
slickchik821: hahahahhaa
defythestars13: ?
slickchik821: GRAND THEFT AUTO
defythestars13: fun
slickchik821: orry went to jail for that thats one of the reasons!
slickchik821: lol what r we doin tomro?
defythestars13: hahahahah
defythestars13: um nothing since i have no ridage
slickchik821: well u can come straight home with me eh?
slickchik821: o and orry is suspended
defythestars13: and how do i get home eh
slickchik821: ok cassies plan:
slickchik821: u come to my house u stay here, then the next day we go to danielles and then u get pickedup fromt here on sunday?
defythestars13: okay
defythestars13: well run that by your mom
defythestars13: and then tell me
slickchik821: ok
slickchik821: LOl
defythestars13: cuz im sure sno one would care
slickchik821: ya
defythestars13: so ya ask ur mom and let me know TONITE
defythestars13: jolie i need a favor!
(Anonymous)
2002-01-10 12:29 (link)
dude please make me a dead journal, i hate lj everyone reads it now! <3 cassie
defythestars13: just go to deadjournal.com and make one
slickchik821: ITS ON
slickchik821: its allowed
defythestars13: whut did she say
slickchik821: she said yes
slickchik821: u r coming over tomoro
huzzah!
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| hehe |
[09 Jan 2002|05:57pm] |
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oOoo first entry *special* why did i make this? well a) its sooo easier to use than an LJ cuz they make it in terms i understand. b) i couldn't get another LJ code. cry for me.
um i dunno what else. i need to finish downloading PSP7 so i can make a freakin picture. yayayaa. mmmmkay.
1st entries are always comment-worthy hehe ;) ::hint::
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